What is the difference between being assertive and being aggressive? It all boils down to perception and intent. Assertive is defined as “characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior” whereas aggressive is defined as “marked by combative readiness” and “marked by obtrusive energy and self-assertiveness”. In self-expression, if a statement or question is merely to make others look bad, or make yourself look better, then that is more aggressive. If you are making a statement, or asking a question to express your opinions, or stand up for your beliefs, then that is more assertive. Unfortunately, in the world we live in today, assertiveness can be labelled as aggressive or offensive depending on the audience. Oftentimes, women get labelled as aggressive, rude, or nasty; while their male counterparts are applauded for their assertiveness and labelled as “a good leader”, or “someone who can stick up for themselves”. However, being assertive is not a bad thing, regardless of gender identity or sex.
Assertiveness is something that many people struggle with, in all different types of scenarios. Some people are able to be assertive with their spouse, but not at work. While others are able to be assertive at work, but not with their partner or their family. Luckily, assertiveness can be a learned skill. If you are looking to incorporate more assertive habits into your life, start where you are comfortable. If you are most comfortable with your friends, instead of saying “I don’t care” when deciding what to do on Friday night, offer up an option and see how it goes. If you feel safest being assertive at work, express your opinion when your boss asks for input instead of remaining silent. It may feel awkward and forced at first or it may surprise the people around you, but overall it means that you are advocating for yourself; and advocating for yourself is a good thing. If you can’t figure it out on your own, there are professionals (like us) to help guide you. You are still strong and valuable if you ask for help.
How assertive are you? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/personality/assertiveness-test
References:
Marano, H. E. (2004, February 12). Assertiveness, Not Aggressiveness. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200402/assertiveness-not-aggressiveness
Reynolds, M. (2019, December 21). How to Be Effectively Assertive. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201912/how-be-effectively-assertive
Selig, M. (2012, September 13). The Assertiveness Habit. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201209/the-assertiveness-habit