Contrary to popular belief, the concept of perfectionism is not based on the idea of being perfect, but rather the fear of failure. It is a constant feeling of not being good enough. Curran and Hill (2015) defined perfectionism as “an irrational desire to achieve along with being overly critical of oneself and others.” On the surface it may seem that perfectionism is a desirable trait, as perfectionists are traditionally at the top of their class or running successful businesses. However, perfectionist tendencies can lead to an increase in depression, anxiety, obsessive behaviors, and eating disorders (Limberg et al., 2016). Perfectionism is regularly divided into two distinct sub-categories, perfectionistic concerns, and perfectionistic strivings. The former refers primarily to constant self-criticism over mistakes, and externalized self-worth, whereas the latter speaks more so towards internal motivation and a tendency towards setting high goals. Those who experience perfectionistic concerns tend to express irrational emotions when their perceived performance does not equate to their personal expectations (Greblo & Erpič, 2015).
The internal self-critic often begins at an early age, with schools and families placing a stronger emphasis on grade point averages and test scores. But how can you tell if you or your child are headed down the path of a perfectionist? Here are a few subtle key points, that even the most self-aware perfectionists may not see in themselves.
1. Picture Perfect. Do you know someone who is always dressed to the nines? An emphasis on external appearance is not uncommon in this day in age, but a fear of people seeing you in anything less than perfect? Perfectionists who focus on the external often struggle with disordered eating and body dysmorphia.
2. Failure to relax. Do you know someone who is constantly on the go, getting things done, checking item after item off their to-do list? What if the space around you is cluttered, and you cannot focus until everything is in the correct place? Have you ever used the term “Productive Procrastination”? People with perfectionistic tendencies often loathe unstructured down time. Unproductive time is wasted time to a perfectionist.
3. Inability to delegate. If it is easier to do it yourself than to hand it off to a co-worker, look at why this is. Do you not trust them to work up to your standards, or is it too time consuming to explain to them how things are done properly? At work, perfectionists regularly struggle with the concept of not being able to do everything themselves.
4. Decisions, decisions, decisions. When you make decisions, do you automatically know what is the “right” answer, or the “best” answer? Or do you agonize over every last detail, ultimately getting overwhelmed by the multitude of choices and still never come to a resolution? Both options, while resulting in vastly different experiences, are rooted in the desire to make the perfect decision.
If you can’t figure it out on your own, there are professionals (like us) to help guide you. You are still strong and valuable if you ask for help.
References:
Greblo, Z., Barić, R., & Erpič, S. C. (2015). Perfectionistic Strivings and Perfectionistic Concerns in Athletes: The Role of Peer Motivational Climate. Current Psychology, 35(3), 370–376. doi: 10.1007/s12144-014-9302-x
Hall, K. (2019, November 4). Are You a Perfectionist? Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201911/are-you-perfectionist
Hendricksen, E. (2019, November 7). Nine Little-Known Signs of Perfectionism. Retrieved from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201911/nine-little-known-signs-perfectionism
Hill, A. P., & Curran, T. (2015). Multidimensional Perfectionism and Burnout. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 20(3), 269–288. doi: 10.1177/1088868315596286
Limburg, K., Watson, H. J., Hagger, M. S., & Egan, S. J. (2016). The Relationship Between Perfectionism and Psychopathology: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 73(10), 1301–1326. doi: 10.1002/jclp.22435