Sometimes our friends, coworkers or family members come to us for a chat. They might have something they want to get off their chest or maybe they’re having a hard day and just need another person around.
When we find ourselves in a position like this, it may be best to just listen and not give advice. There are moments when people just need a sounding board and a person they feel comfortable opening up to. For that day, you may be the chosen one.
Here are some things to keep in mind for being an active listener, and refraining from advice giving:
- Body language matters. Be open to who is speaking. Be active with your eye contact, deep breaths, and an open posture to show you are listening. It can give a calming vibe to the speaker.
- Often when people are looking to “vent” they are looking for just that. They don’t want to be told what to do. As the listener, you can do just that, listen. You can ask questions, be affirming and supportive. Try to hold back from handing out your two pennies.
- As social support you are there to help loved ones in a time of need. But sometimes there are situations or topics that are out of your scope. If this happens you can advise that you don’t feel confident with it or suggest a professional who can help.
- Be on the lookout for patterns. If you are hearing a theme from what someone is telling you, point it out. Maybe they don’t realize and hear what you do.
- As the listener, if you are not in a good place mentally or emotionally, ask if you can meet at a different time. Taking on someone else’s trouble can be a lot. The important thing to do is make sure you are prepared and ready to provide your full attention when listening. It is fair to both you and the person sharing.
- You don’t have to have gone through their experience to be able to listen. Often people just want someone to lend their ear. You don’t need to be involved in a car accident to know it sucks, right? Showing up and listening when someone needs it is enough.
The next time someone comes to you, try keeping some of these tips in mind. It can be hard to take the backseat and just listen, but it could be really important to the other person. Use your best judgement about a situation. And lastly, always check that the person sharing is O.K. before going on with their day.